Friday, October 31, 2008

Dogs

Today I had a phone call from an old social work colleague. He moved to Florida several years ago and we seem to touch base about this time every year. I suspect it is because he misses hunting in the fall. He typically asks how the hunting is going. Today he asked how Kristine's wedding went, and told me about his trip to Alaska fishing with his wife. We talked a bit about fishing here in Wyoming, the conversation drifted to bird hunting with Pheasant season set to open this weekend. He informed me that his Black Lab, Katie had died recently. She had lived for 16 years and had been a great dog to hunt with.
After I said goodbye it was not long before my mind was filled with memories about the different dogs I've owned or known. So many stories, you know with every dog there is always at least one good story.
My father loved dogs, he used to talk about a Boston Terrier Bulldog he had when he was a boy. The dogs name was Buster and would ride in the basket on his bike as he delivered news papers each day. My parents told me that a Springer Spaniel named Sam had taught me to walk. The legend is that Sam would come up to the couch where I had been perched by my mother to keep me out of trouble, I would slide down his back to the ground, grab a handful of fur and he would walk me around the room. Sam met with a bad end, he was shot by a rancher for chasing sheep with some other dogs. I suppose the lesson here is to be careful what kind of crowd you run around with. Princess was the most famous dog in my family of origin's lore. She was a beautiful Irish Setter, who unlike many Irish Setters actually was pretty intelligent. Princess went wherever my father went. Dad was once accused of having an affair with a red head by some one who thought that Princess' hair and ears flopping out of the window was Dad drove by belonged to a woman. There are too many stories about Princess to tell them all, one of my favorites was about the pigeons. Dad used to raise and race pigeons as a hobby when I was a young boy. He had saved some money to purchase a male and female pair of pigeons from a well known breeder a few hours away. Early in the morning he put an empty bird cage and Princess in the old Ford station wagon and headed off. After picking up his new birds he drove for home. On the way he stopped at a café to get something to eat. When he arrived at the car following his meal he found Princess in the front seat with both pigeons hanging out of her mouth. Apparently she was very pleased with herself, presenting these birds she had got to Dad. He always said that he did not know if he should laugh or cry. He did not take Princess with him when he went to get the next pair of birds.
My brother Jim had a dog once named Scooby, she was some kind of cow dog. Scooby moved with us from Montana to California, to Washington State. While I did not have much use for Scooby Jim certain was attached to her. Jim called me the other day and asked if I needed a dog. I know enough to know that generally if some one calls you and offers a free dog that there is a catch. I asked probing questions about this dog Jim was offering. What I discovered was that Louie (the dog in question) was part something and part something else. He likes to jump straight up and has the peculiar habit of jumping to the top of a 6 foot fence perching on the top of the fence like a bird and then jumping down only to wreck havoc in the neighborhood. I declined, I'm on thin ice with my neighbors already.
My own family has certainly owned several dogs with colorful personalities. There was Lucky, Rusty, Chester, Erminguard, Kate and Sadie. We know have Patches, he now a very old Dalmatian. All of these dogs hold some place in our hearts and mean more to some than to others in the family.
It is funny the bond that can develop between people and dogs. I remember getting my first dog. My Jr. High School science teacher Mr. Conlin had some Black Lab puppies for sale for $10.00. I took $10.00 of my lawn mowing money and picked out a male puppy, I named him Champ. My father and I had visions of Champ becoming a great hunting dog. He certainly had good instincts and showed some promise, but he also had one trait that was not conducive to living among the Native Americans on the Reservation we lived on. He would try to bite anyone who was not white. I had to make certain he was tied up all of the time. I had to be careful when I brought home my Native American friends etc. We talked to Mr. Conlin who confirmed that Champs mother had the same trait. Champ was a big powerful dog who was known to pull his dog house behind him down the street as he chased people. Obviously this was not working out very well. Dad found a rancher friend who lived in a remote part of Eastern Montana who was willing to take Champ. Dad and I had both hunted on his ranch over the years a. It was a long drive home from the ranch and while I was upset at having to let Champ go, I also felt a sense of relief that I did not have to worry about him anymore. Not long after that we moved to California.
Approximately five years ago I was seeing veterans on the medical unit of the VA hospital I work at, I came across a veteran who had the same last name and whose address was in the same proximity of the rancher who had taken Champ. As I talked with him and his wife I asked if they remembered my father, his wife said that she did because she had worked with him at the HIS Hospital in Crow Agency, MT. The rancher could not remember his name, his wife explained that he could not remember people's names very well anymore. On a whim I asked, "do you remember a 14 year old kid who gave you a Black Lab about 30 years ago or so". He smiled and replied, "I think that dogs name was Champ wasn't it, he sure was a good bird dog, I hunted with him a lot". His wife replied that he had the uncanny ability to remember every dog he has ever known. I enjoyed a few minutes of conversation with them after explaining that I was that kid who gave him the dog. It was nice to know that Champ had lived a good life and it gave some closure to that part of my life.
So take a moment to think about a dog you really loved and spend some time petting the one you now have. I for one am grateful that God put dogs on earth with us, they make us laugh and cry. I have learned a great deal from them over the years. Maybe I'll get myself another hunting dog. Right now the new kittens we just got are itching to be played with, have a good week.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Cassarole, wooden spoons and table forks

I was sitting here thinking about the upcoming weekend, I am looking forward to going out with my wife for dinner and a movie. We have not been able to go out for some time due to the "wedding" preparations. Kristine is married now so there is a brief break in the action. This will not last long because Karlee has recently announced that she and Alex will be getting married in March. I can already hear the sucking sound money makes as it is drained from an account. Back on topic, I was thinking about food and where Melinda and I would go to eat and suddenly the memory of eggplant casserole came to mind. More a nightmare than a pleasant dream.
I can see it and smell it now, an intrusion from the black recesses of my mind. My mother, known more for being "practical" than for being a good cook had scored a large quantity of eggplant. We had for days been subjected to fried eggplant, fried eggplant and maple syrup, eggplant sandwiches, eggplant ice cream and still we had not exhausted our supply of eggplant. Eggplant cannot be canned or frozen (she'd already tried that), hence the eggplant casserole. I will tell you this, it was just nasty tasting and not even slightly visually appealing. There were copious amounts of casserole left following dinner that night. Not to be deterred chef Catherine placed the leftovers in the refrigerator. Two nights later (thinking we had forgotten) the dish was resurrected only this time disguised by the addition of zucchini slices, cream of mushroom soup, bread crumbs and velveta cheese. Mom further attempted to enhance the deception by taking a large steaming spoonful and with a smile take a large bite, almost instantly the smile vanished and she struggled to choke down the mouthful of food. Her customers unimpressed did not touch their portions. We all packed up and went to some fast food place, Mom leading the retreat. What is it that Obama said, he can put lipstick on and still be a pig..., no wait you can put lipstick on a pig and it is still a pig, yeah that's it.
My mother did teach me a few things about cooking, mainly things not to do. I also learned from her how to dodge a wooden spoon with the speed and agility of a gazelle. Do you know it isn't that bad being hit by a wooden spoon, particularly if you can make a good forearm block which will usually break a wooden spoon. This provides enough time to make an escape from the kitchen with stolen cookies in hand. I also learned that taking a direct hit from a metal spatula is painful, they typically do not break unless your mother is really mad and almost always leave a mark.
I always wondered why most of the good food mothers cook end up at the PTA bake sale, Relief Society dinners, funerals, DUP (Daughters of the Utah Pioneers) meeting or are provided to Sister Rabbit's family each time she has a baby. It may be because in order to make good food you have to have, time, and good ingredients. It could be the belief that if you do not bring good food to one of the above mentioned events then people will talk about the sad fare you contributed. Besides it isn't like the old man or the kids are going to leave home over poor food (they may go to the Maverick and buy a hot dog and a coke). What the heck if the husband or one of the kids leaves for a while there is just less laundry to do. But they like a bad penny always come back don't they.
Flying forks, just ask my brother Jim, it is true, if you throw a plain old metal table fork hard enough it will pierce clothing and penetrate human flesh. Jim experienced this first hand when we were kids and I hucked a fork at him. The fork stuck in his leg as he made a valiant attempt to avoid the speeding fork. I freaked a bit at the sound of his screams and the sight of the fork sticking out of him. Then I thought that was cool. It stuck!
One of my grand mothers scared the living daylights out of me once in the kitchen when I was about 12 years old. She was not a very happy person in the later years of life, and if she had the notion to she would haul off and whack you upside the head with her hand or whatever object was handy. I seemed to be one of her favorite targets, I suspect this was due to the fact that I was an ugly kid and prone to be a smart-aleck. On this occasion I had managed to get grandmother's knickers in a twist while I was in the kitchen making an after school snack, (a jellied eggplant and peanut butter sandwich). I sensed that she was about to strike and with sandwich in hand I began to make a move to get out of her reach, she countered by grabbing the first handy object, a butcher knife. I I dropped the sandwich and nearly evacuated my bowel's on the spot. I managed to get by her and safely out of the kitchen. Looking back on this event I doubt that grandmother would have cut me up too bad, maybe just enough to teach me a lesson, that's all. To this day I am not a big fan of slasher movies, the first time I saw the shower scene in the movie "Psycho" it scared the pee-waddlee out of me.
On this note, kids be nice to grandmother, hide the butcher knives and wooden spoons, and wear proactive eye gear when having a fork fight with your siblings (some one could lose an eye). Have a good week.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Uncouth Conversation


October 21, 2008


This is my first attempt at "blogging". I have watched with envy as my wife has entered her thoughts and observations in her blog for others to view. So below is my contribution to informal literature.

The other day I was heard to to one of my adult daughters (Mindy), "That was disgusting!" as the car filled with methane gas so bad I could taste it. We were whizzing down the interstate crossing Montana on our way home to Wyoming after our eldest daughter's wedding in Idaho. Mindy's sharp and not unexpected reply was"It wasn't me!...it was Michael!". Soon a conversation ensued on the topic of human methane gas production. The next words from my mouth were "would you all stop this uncouth conversation!". My hope was that the five children riding with me would indeed change the focus of their conversation. I realized I had just said something one of my parents had said to me on similar occasions in my youth. "Oh crap!' I thought, another one of those I am turning into my father/mother moments.
So the word Uncouth (`un-kooth') according to the dictionary means; Crude, unrefined. I had used the word correctly and it applied to the conversation in the car. Similarly my parents had appropriately applied it to me and my siblings' conversations many years earlier on numerous occasions, likely on the very stretch of interstate I had recently been traveling with my children.
What got me thinking was the ready recognition on my part that I am certainly not the most refined person on the planet. I think Larry the Cable Guy is funny, I do not care who you are..... After all both of my parents while college educated had come from blue collar working class families raised during the Great Depression. My father unwittingly taught me to swear while working on cars and I learned the complete "Gene, Gene, made a machine...." song from him when I was in second grade. My mother was noted to swear a blue streak in the kitchen when she burned her hand taking the eggplant casserole out of the oven. (Eggplant casserole? you ask, well that is a topic better left for another day). One of her favorites was "Son of a #$%*@!".
Think about it, the facade of refinement. Nobody would suspect the Queen of "letting one rip" at a formal dinner or at any time for that matter only to blame it on one of her cute little dogs. (No offense meant to those of you related to the Queen). I doubt that any of the Prophet's children, grandchildren etc. will ever relate the time when grandpa said "pull my finger" after a heavy meal. BUT we all know it happens to them just like it does to us. I do however find some joy in the idea that those of us who express ourselves freely in this arena are immensely happier than those who stifle the urge to the point of near explosion. I only know one person whose flatulence does not smell odoriferous and that is my mother in law. I believe this only because she insists it is the truth and I have never know her to lie.
Imagine if you will reading a Jane Austin novel or better still watching a BBC version of "Pride and Prejudice" or "Sense and Sensibility" (You know the one with Colin Firth or Hugh Grant) only to see the characters engage in a conversation about how Miss Mary Anne or Mr. Willaby were "crop dusting" at the ball. Picture this, handsome Mr. Darcy speaking with his obnoxious aunt, he pauses, slightly lifts one leg while holding a glass of wine, holds his breath, strains and bust a "grumpy". With a tone of utter dismay he hollers at the butler "Jeeves!.... no more steak and kidney pie for you!". At this the whole room breaks up in riotous laughter including the obnoxious aunt. Not an overly romantic moment. I suppose that is why Rowan Atkins in his pre-Mr. Bean days had a whopping success with the Black Adder series on BBC.
I hope I have given you something to think about. Perhaps at some future date I'll write about every ones favorite medical symptom, diarrhea. Until then don't pull any ones finger, and keep a dog handy. I have to go now and prepare my Institute lesson.
John